she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize