I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
