dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
