You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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