If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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