he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
