I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
