my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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