one word: firstdatebathroomanal
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
