Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
