He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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