So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
