wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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