you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
