I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
