if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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