you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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