We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
