why didn't you poke me back
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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