just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize