Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
