If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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