It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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