I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The air taste purple.
Randomize
