Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
