I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize