i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
