He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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