I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
