PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
