I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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