I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
