i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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