careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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