u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
