I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
