I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
