he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
