When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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