Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
