I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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