conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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