Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
