I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
