fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We are all done wearing pants today
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
