I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize