new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
