well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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