Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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