Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
