How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
