why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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