So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
