How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
