i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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