Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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