and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
