He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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