I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize