I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
