i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
