Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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