thus making me awesome and them whores
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
