i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize