she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
