Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
