Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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