mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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