Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
