I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
