This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
