Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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