Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
