hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Who did Billy Mays play for?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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