Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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