i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
