Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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