Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
