batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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