Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
