call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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